I was a fairly… imaginative child. I didn't fully understand what I was doing at the time but whenever I went to swimming lessons at the public pool I would um. Go up to the jet and just. Stand there for a while. And… I would… god this is gonna sound so fucking weird but I'd imagine a bunch of tiny Tarzans coming out of the jet, jumping into my urethra, and surging through my body. I would exit the pool and walk to the shower with a full hard on. I never completed my swimming lessons.

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this is gonna be VERY hard to top